Attending retreat was hard to come by during these trying times with Covid. I was glad for this long for hiatus away from the craziness of this world, i.e. the busy schedule, a lot of talking from a lot of people, the media, staring at the computer screen for long hours etc. It was like a mini 7 day meditation retreat. I earnestly followed through as closely as possible, soaking in the experience, and absorbing whatever Venerable had shared, in order to get the most out of it. I had to accept my body wasn’t in its ideal condition as I was recovering from an illness. I tried to be awake most of the time.
We were reminded to be diligent and relaxed as we practiced, fully accepting and letting it in, not nervously grabbing at it, as well as being very clear of all that is happening: the wandering thoughts, the practice, the environment. We are to use little force just enough for the necessity to sustain and hold ourselves in a relaxed yet correct sitting posture. As I practiced, I tried not to stop and wander off with my wandering thoughts whereby these thoughts are the product of my everyday doings. Still they are disruptive. I gently let my mind return to the body sensation whenever I realized it had wandered off. Most of the time, I wasn’t really clear what those wandering thoughts were. Sometimes I would just slip into the ‘black ghost cave’ 黑山鬼窟, which was a phrase to describe one who had dozed off or blank out. A way to break off from the dozing is by maintaining a correct posture, it pulled me back to the practice repeatedly throughout the sitting whenever I dozed off. If not, I would either fall asleep or be really bothered by the leg pain whenever I had my fill of rest. On top of that, wearing the face mask could be quite stifling as the loops felt tight at the ears after long hours. It was uncomfortable and stuffy whenever my mind wasn’t with the practice.
We made efforts to be alert and kept our diligence at the practice. Also thanks to Venerable for going around the hall extremely diligently, using the incense stick to alert anyone of us who was dozing off unheedingly. The clear slapping sound of the incense stick was enough to wake anyone who was on the verge of dozing off. Actually, I was quite nervous of feeling the incense stick slapping at me even though I understood the good intentions behind that action: valuing the diligence at keeping our minds constantly with our practice. I tried to let go of my fear…
We did the slow prostrations in the afternoon, which I found to be of great help for keeping my mind alert and clear. I tried to relax, my body felt light in weight, like feathers with little force.
We had walking & running meditation (跑香). It was refreshing to go outdoors after being inside the meditation hall for quite long periods. As I started walking on the grass patches feeling its unevenness, there came the Venerable’s voice reminding us not to stop at the wandering thoughts but to stay with the walking sensation. Running meditation was like going with the flow of the running sensation and not let myself mentally stopped by the wandering thoughts.
The most interesting part was that we were to have lunch outside individually, away from the premises unlike previously we could enjoy the convenience and bliss of having our lunch cooked by volunteers where we could practice eating meditation together. While venturing out for lunch, I could still feel the Venerable’s guidance and advice enveloped around me like being on the practice mode. Even though someone talked to me, I couldn’t bring myself to talk but nodded and smiled. I ordered lunch with few words coupled with gesturing. The Venerable had reminded us to carry our practice methods all the time in our minds mentally, not physically. I practiced eating meditation, reminding myself to stay with the sensation of eating.
What impressed me most was when I just arrived at the premises, I immediately walked into the Noble Silence. The instructions were shown to us and we just had to follow the reliable guidance and support of Venerable and our two volunteers. I could be fully entered into the practice without worries. Besides, practicing with people familiar with the practice also helped me stay with the practice, as they knew how to be gentle and made the least disturbances. I couldn’t help feeling grateful to my fellow retreatants. Whenever I was distracted by my wandering thoughts, I could go back to the practice quite easily without the need to handle other thoughts arose from my surroundings other than my wandering thoughts.
At the end of the retreat, we had group discussion on spiritual environmental protection 心灵环保that we practice as volunteers and how we were to learn to cultivate and transmit it to others mainly through meditation & religious activities, just as we were practicing these two days.
Event date / 15-16 Jan 2022
Written by / Wu Li Yun
Photo by / Johnny Sim